Human beings are very complex creatures and it isn’t until opposing sexes begin a project together that the enormity of our differences begin to show. Gardening is one such project. Place a man in the garden and he will create a very different vista than a woman, and vice versa. Put them together and you have a recipe for…well, disaster comes to mind…but it’s not the expression I was searching for.

The Man looks at a blank piece of land and envisions retaining walls, garden paths, arbours, water features, ponds, rolling lawns, enormous garden beds and places to sit and relax. The Woman sees the same things and tells the Man to get working.

The Man wants to start with the places to sit and relax. The Woman wants to start with a path to the washing line.

The Woman organises the father-in-law to come down for the weekend to give a hand. The Man organises a day of golf with his mates.

The Man wants to hire a bobcat to move some of the soil around. The Woman, realising that it will cost $80 (the price of a new dress), tells the Man to get back to work.

The Man wants to change one small detail on the plan. The Woman, seizing the opportunity, changes the plan.
The Man wants a shed. The Woman wants a pool. The new pool goes in the following weekend.

Once the garden is finally created and resembles some semblance of order the Woman spends her spare time picking flowers or reading in the places created to sit and relax. The Man fixes the retic.

The Man tries to be romantic and picks the Woman the largest rose in the garden. The Woman cries… realising her dreams of winning first place at the County Fair have just been dashed.

The Woman invites her friends over to view all the effort that’s gone into the new garden. She displays all the new flowering plants, sprawling lawns and places to sit and relax. She hides the undeveloped areas and whisks them quickly away from the ugly spots. Her friends praise her efforts and then dream about next season’s bulb catalogue.

The Man directs his friends straight to the ugly spots and casts his vision of someday grandeur. His friends applaud him then talk about sport.

Finally the sun sets on another day in the garden and the Man wants a beer. The Woman wants to talk about their relationship. The Man drinks too much beer…